Having had enough of my facial hair, and when I say 'facial hair', I mean the few patches of growth unevenly sprouting from my cheeks and chin...I went in search of smoother pastures.

I went to my local pharmacy, 'Rite-Aid' which is quite a funny name for a place that does nothing right and never really helps anyone; mainly because they only have 3 employees working at one time and 2 of them don't speak English.  In fact, they don't even speak; they hide when they see you coming.  I digress.

When you finally make your way through the Vegas like aisles (I say 'Vegas Like' because you can't ever seem to find your way out; rows and rows of consumer crap...all directing you further into 'Household Product' hell) and find the 'Men's Razor' section, they have the razors all right, but the blades are either locked behind glass or they are up front.  Either way, it's going to take you 20 minutes to hunt someone down to 'help' you.  

First part; locate the aisle.  Done.  Second part; find someone to help unlock the super safe glass casing.  Done.  Now the hardest part, remembering what razor you've been using.  

In the last 20 minutes, Gillette has come up with about 6 different names and cutting strategies for their razors.  Sensor, excel (which I thought was a spreadsheet) excel Sensor, M3, Mach 3 Turbo...and by the time you finish reading this article, they will have come up with another 62 pro-types.

We all understand the need to market and come up with new flashy colors with cool names to perpetuate sales, but at the very least have a phucking color chart or pop up book beside the display stands.  It's ridiculous already.  Oh, needless to say I bought the wrong blades.  Not just the wrong blades, which in itself is no big deal...but the prongs, or arms or whatever the Gillette lab tech call them were a different fit to the cartridge.  

Sales slip...I don't need no stinkin' sales slip...

Rather than returning the $145 new 'Fusion' blades, I opted to buy the really cool orange handle...turbo of course.  5 phucking blades man, what a rush.  Especially when the water slaps your freshly shorn and torn skin.  5 blades?  Is Freddy Kruger running things over at P&G?  Why not package up a cheese grater with some Parmesan foam and lotion.  Point?  This obviously is your first time to this site...

So easy a caveman could do it.