A movie about sadomasochism that's painfully boring? Well, I guess the whole "world is round" thing sounded silly in its time too.

This sorry piece of crap especially infuriated me, mainly because I had heard so many good things about it.

Word was that Maggie Gylenhaal (I really don't care if I spelt it wrong) was an outstanding newcomer and had shamelessly promoted herself for an Oscar nod. I tried to like this film. God, how I tried.

Here's the plot for you in a nutshell: Maggie gets out of a looney bin. Maggie gets the first job she applies for (you guessed it, a secretary). Maggie's boss, James Spader (who actually supplies the film's very few amusing moments), is a sadist who spanks her.

Maggie really wants to keep getting spanked, so we watch her try to keep the spanking going for about forty minutes. Maggie says she loves James Spader, and he makes her sit at his desk for a week to show how much of a great slave she can be.

Will they end up together? I'd spoil it for you, but you'll just have to go find out for yourself if you really still give a shit at this point.
Let me be the first movie critic so far to have the balls to say that Maggie G(whatever) actually sucks.

It wasn't her fault that her one-dimensional character was written by a moron who was trying a bit too obviously to be "different," but she simply just isn't appealing. I think the critics who praised her must have been trying to ride some hip wave of calling her good because she starred in a movie and isn't physically attractive.

After being surrounded by this fact after about twenty minutes of watching her do the only face she must have practiced in the mirror when learning to act (nervous, but still trying to look cute), I prepared myself for the sacred elements of what it takes to think you deserve an Oscar if you're a woman.

They ALL came, in this order:
1)Crying.
2)A masturbation scene where the camera holds on a close-up of the face for what seems to be an awkward amount of time, but is really "raw and uncompromising" in the filmmaker's mind.
3)Showing nipples.
4)Showing pubes.

Brilliant. What a "daring" movie. How "groundbreaking." This is the kind of glop that certain people say they liked because they are just as desperate to be against "the whole Hollywood thing" as the director is.

Guess what? You're not that original.