Sorry, kids. I just couldn't do it. While I know George Romero made the original "Dawn of the Dead" and all, it appears his spooks ar limited to fun B not-really-scary-but-grody zombie flicks. Speaking in modern terms, this was no "Dawn of the Dead" (the new one).

"Dawn of the Dead" and "28 Days Later" set the bar higher for zombie flicks with a chaotic vibe that gave a solid impression of everyday people caught up in a shitstorm of zombies. While I think we can rest assured there's no such thing as zombies, these movies put us in that world, and were indeed spooky. While "Dawn" came from the point of view of people who got snuck up on, "28" did the whole apocalyptic zombie future thing, which is where "Land of the Dead" begins, only "Land"'s zombies (except for the few that are close-ups of mannequins) look more like actors in a children's haunted house as opposed to real zombies (whatever the hell that means). It isn't scary, it's silly, then we're supposed to be scared when they pop out of somewhere because blood spurts out when someone gets wasted.

The catch to this flick is that (gasp!) the zombies are learning to communicate and make strategies, which makes them more of an even opponent than their former wandering selves. Trouble is, there's no explanation whatsoever as to why the hell they've started doing this, only recognition from the people in the movie who have to fight off the oh-so-smarter zombies. Maybe there was, I don't know, I walked out.

(one, two bongs, I don't care)