If you didn't like "Meet the Parents," no, this isn't some sequel that makes it all better. If you did like "Meet the Parents," good news for you, Retard, there's a slightly less entertaining sequel out now! Get out your wallet, Moron, and get ready to be focked.

Oh, I know, I'm having too much fun already with the fact that "fock" kinda sounds like the actual f-word. If you think I'm bad, wait till you see this desperate piece or crap. The word "Focker" is used literally every third line for an hour and forty minutes, along with every other tired-ass joke these sorry sacks of shit who made this movie for people who have absolutely no sense of humor in real life fall back on over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over.

Hey, kids! Wanna see someone fall down? It's wacky! Okay, you ready?! Here we go! Ooooh, Robert De Niro fell down! Hey, wanna see it again? Okay, okay, okay.... Oooooh, Ben Stiller fell down! No, wait, no, don't get up yet, no, don't leave the theater... AAAAUUUUGHHH!!!! Jesus Cow Milking Christ, my sides are going to implode from all this laughter! Somebody else just fell down!!!! This is SOOOO FUUUNNNN-NNNYYYY!!! (retard clapping into the chest)

Guess what the plot is? No, no, I can't tell you, it's too unpredictable and wacky! You sure? You positive?! Oh, okay, I'll tell you. Now that Ben Stiller has met Robert De Niro (his fiance's dad) and gotten all embarrassed, he has to have Robert De Niro meet his parents now before the wedding. And you know that ol' Robert De Nirooooo! Yeah, he's an uptight daddy, so meeting Dustin Hoffman (who only makes this thing more depressing by showing us what good talent is wasted on nowadays in this dumbed-down, Bush-run, prozac-loving country) and Barbara Streisand (you can go back to being retired now Babs, you really did actually overstay your welcome and have just made yourself even more hateable with this one), who portray really liberal ex-hippies, is gonna be one wild ride.

Did ya see the preview? Did ya?! DIDJA?!?! IT'S JUST AS FUNNY AS THE PREVIEW!!!! No, no shit! It really is that funny! De Niro's cat flushes Hoffman's dog down a toilet, then the dog is all covered in that blue toilet liquid when he gets saved! It's a... (insane laughter)... a... it's a BLUE DOG!!

Oh, just fock me up the ass and beat me over the head with your dick, Hollywood. That is just too much humor for one movie. Oh, damn, I forgot the part (also on the preview) where Babs gives De Niro a massage, but she takes it too far and straddles his back! And then... (hyperventilating with laughter)... And then... (more)... Oh Jesus... Let me stop laughing... Ben Stiller makes her stop! And then he says, "Mom! You were riding him like Seabiscuit!" Oh, no... Now, I've done it... All this cackling has left me with shit in my britches. Darn you, Ben Stiller. You really need to stop pushing yourself with movies like this and just sell out for once so I can not laugh so hard and have some clean shorts.

Aside from the fact that this movie is a crappy sequel to begin with, it's as if they wrote it as they went along. "Love ya, Babe. Thanks for the fave, we'll do lunch... Okay, people! We've got Owen (Wilson) for a half hour, so let's write some stupid excuse into the script for him to come back and give the audience an 'Oh, it's Owen Wilson!' moment in order for them to see a new face and forget what a piece of shit this thing is!

How? I don't know, throw something in there about how Ben's jewish character inspired him to spend two years in Israel and become an inter-faith priest, that way he can marry Ben and that no-name actress who we gave an even crappier set-up-other-people's-jokes part to this time around as a special 'fock you'! What did you say? Ben's character didn't do a damn thing to inspire Owen's character to leave his entire life to go to Israel and become an inter-faith priest? Who cares?! You're fired, you'll never work this town again, you smartass little intern piece of shit! Fock you! This is Hollywood, and our audience is a bunch of morons! They don't care if it makes no sense, they'll laugh if they think they're supposed to! We've been feeding them such crap, they'll even get excited about a sequel to 'Meet the Parents!'"

Kids, please, do yourselves a favor -- don't see this movie. I can't stress how important this is. You may think that it's gonna make a ton of money anyway, so your $10 won't make much difference, but it will. This movie will only make you dumber, and if it doesn't, it will only piss you off.

My high-and-mighty ass saw it for free, but my hour-and-forty minutes is gone. Forever. I could have used it to take a walk and breathe fresh air, I could have learned a new song on the guitar, I could have bought a guitar and thought about learning how to play in the first place, I could have called someone I should make sure to keep in touch with and caught up around the holidays, I could have, should have, bleaugh. I saw "Meet the Fockers," and by doing so, I did harm. Not only did I take myself from the constructive world for that period of time, I helped fill a theater that was playing this crap, which means I have supported the absolutely unforgiveable waste of talent by two of our lifetime's greatest screen actors (no offense, Ben, you have a commendable gift as well that you've sodomized once again).

I've also indirectly cheered on Barbara Streisand, who needs to go the hell away now. Yes, Babs, you've entertained many o' lonely middle-aged woman and gay male, and have cashed in on it just fine. Sorry you weren't nominated as director for "Prince of Tides," but I think you got a pretty good hand of cards altogether. GO BACK TO YOUR MANSION AND SHUT THE FOCK UP.

Please, kids. Just think of me as the Jesus of movie critics. I have taken your pain by seeing this movie so that you may know how wrong it is to see it. Just rape your dog instead. I know you've been thinking about it. Come on. Madonna did it. He/she may even enjoy it. Seriously. Rape your dog before you see "Meet the Fockers."

(fock bongs, no bongs for the fockers)