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Watching this, one can almost imagine what a pain in the ass this movie had to have been to make - "Godzilla" from a handycam's view. It's just too bad they forgot to hire a writer and actors.

See, now that they've made the flick out of a script that's so ridiculously cliche with in-your-face plot points and characters who have time to provide "comic relief" in the middle of when some alien is trying to eat them, and now that they've hired male and female models who (all but the actress Lizzy-something, who was believable for what she had to work with) to deliver these stupid lines and "terrified" faces, all they're left with is another dumbass Hollywood piece of garbage.

At least there were hot chicks to look at, but it's so much easier to be in suspense and scared and all that good stuff when you could give half a rat's ass who lives and who dies. Even if this were a decent film, it could be argued that it was still maybe a tad awkward to make a documentary-like flick like this take place in Manhattan, where images like dust blowing forward on the street and enveloping people as a building goes down behind them aren't that far removed from our minds just quite yet. If that was the point, that only makes this thing all the more disgusting of a Hollywood piece of shit, but it's a safe bet that it wasn't the intention, as it's apparent as we watch the "actors" and hear the lame-ass dialogue that a few people here were pretty clueless.

"Cloverfield" starts with a little slug line that states how this whole thing is the property of the US government that takes place in an area "formerly known as Central Park," and from there it plays out its "Blair Witch" effect -- some guy is going off to Japan, his friends throw him a party, we get to know his friends through the party footage that could so easily have been at least improvised for some desperate attempt at realism but sounds about as natural as "I'm the king of the world!!" Then, we hear a boom, the whole city blacks out, Lady Liberty's head rolls into the street as we've all seen on the preview and poster a hundred times, and chaos reigns as a big monster that has little monsters falling from it like dandruff invades.

The main guy likes this hot chick who's caught in the middle of the city, so he goes after her, monster be damned. Following him are a friend who's just a nice person, a friend of a friend who goes for who-the-hell-knows-what-reason, and the guy who's taping this, because, hey, we wouldn't have a movie here if no one were taping this, now would we?

I don't think much has to be said on this one. If you wanna go see a simple-minded monster flick with a new little angle (digicam POV instead of sweeping epic camera work), "Cloverfield" is probably your best bet. Otherwise, unless you live in Hollywood and have to see it because you need to keep up with all the crap someone you know may have been some part of, feel free to skip this one.
 
(one bong for effort)

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