Look At Me, No Don't Look At Me..

Ladies, if you're going to spend half your day getting ready for a night out, make sure to smile a bit. Really, it's okay. It's okay to laugh a little - it's okay to crack your caked on foundation.

You've spent hours on your hair, your make-up, picking out the perfect outfit - and now you won't let anyone enjoy it. You've spent so long getting ready that you're not about to ruin it by smiling and having fun.

No, No, No.. you just want people to look at you - you're not actually intending to talk to them, you just want to be noticed. So you stand there, nursing your drink and attempting to look friendly - but that bitchy scowl on your face is preventing any normal person from approaching you.

So guy after guy - you giggle them off as if we're not even good enough to shine your shoes...

Here's a hint - if you're going to spend your time looking hot, be prepared to have guys hit on you and don't act so phucking annoyed either - we're trying our best here.

Why dress up if you're just going to be a crab? When you're old and crusty and nobody is smiling at you anymore maybe then you'll realize what a nightmare you've been. Only now, as you undo your girdle you'll realize it's too late.

You've had nothing to do with you looks - your parents and your plastic surgeon deserve the credit - so don't stand around acting like God's gift when the only talent you have isn't even yours to begin with.