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Dating Advice - Both

I Love Farting In Bed

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And really, who doesn't?  In fact, it's not just in bed that I love letting them rip, it's really anywhere.  That is anywhere with enough background noise to let me squeak on out without anyone hearing it.  And at times when I've had to let one rip, I've even whispered in my girlfriend's ear to distract her.  Of course coughing also works but the problem with coughing is, you're also forcing air out...so you may end up squirting out a bit more than you bargained for...

Anyway, back to farting in bed...I have this awesome girlfriend (probably for not much longer if she reads this) she stays over a couple times a week, we sit around the house, get high watch the tube...it's awesome.  On Friday nights we hit the pub which means, lots of beer and greasy fried food.  By the time we get to my place, my stomach is already starting its ballet.  We drink a bit more, eat more crap then go to bed.  As I lay me down to sleep...I beg the lord to let them them be silent.  But in order to let them seep out, you have to be awake and alert; always at the ready to clench that sphincter at a moments notice.  Not like when you are alone and like a Howitzer you go to town.  And when you're wasted and the bed is spinning, it's hard to concentrate, let alone be able to determine if you have to fart or if you're actually going to shit yourself.  

Some guys I know don't have a problem cutting one in front of their girlfriend.  In fact, I know one guy who actually sits on his girlfriends and farts.  Oh they giggle and think it's funny and all...but that' not really my thing.  Of course we all do it, but I just think farting in front of your partner isn't the best way to go.  Now peeing on them...well, that's entirely different. 

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